i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
