ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
