I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
