either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
