he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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