sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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