this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
