Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
