Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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