it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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