Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
