my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
