I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
