Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
