hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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