no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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