You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
