I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
