So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
