she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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