Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
