In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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