i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
