I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
