If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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