I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
