The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
