why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
