everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
