You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
