My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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