Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
