I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
