I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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