Will you blow on my dice?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
