i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
