Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
