im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
