I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
wow bdsm is so cute
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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