she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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