Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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