you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
