Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
