I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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