You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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