My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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