do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
