Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
