You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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