how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
